Posted in inspiration

Changing Anger and Fear into Love and Power

I try not to write about it. I try not to speak about it. I try not to argue about it. I try to ignore it. Writing helps me process information and emotions and learning each other’s perspectives helps us to heal and become less divisive. So I write.

There is much speculation but the facts are pointing to deception, lies, and troubling security. A lab created virus gets out. Gets covered up. Gets widespread. Gets amplified to create exciting news and chaos. A worldwide vaccination is already ready. Big business usually doesn’t have a face to us. The pharmaceutical companies don’t usually have a face. But this time it does. And Bill Gates seems a little shifty right now, along with everyone invested. I am thankful for a president that isn’t in the pockets of big Pharma or big Ag. Who has enough money to think for himself and whose focus is on wellness and the attempt to keep us all from becoming homeless, jobless, and starving- much like the Great Depression- as a result of this virus and all the deceptions in its shadows.

People are fearful. In all animal populations throughout time, the weak are who pass on. We just don’t want it to be anyone we know. We think hiding will stop it. Statistically, this virus is far less dangerous than other viruses we’ve seen in the past dozen years and that is with the numbers being highly inaccurate. Here in Colorado, the virus is thought to have been here since November. My friends, family, and clients have all had a mysterious illness that effected them quickly and then moved on. Coronavirus has been here, most of us have been exposed, and the truth is, most people were fine and were thought to have had some type of flu. So, the death rate is much smaller than the news likes to announce. Hospitals did not start filling up until three months later when the news announced that the virus was here and killing people! We will be alright. Death is part of life. And those that are going to pass on will, no matter what virus comes their way.

I know of people that have died this week. None of them from coronavirus. A young person in an accident. Older people at the end of their given days. I am also watching someone close to me fall into a depression that is scarier than any virus.

What causes all of this fear and anger are things that we cannot control. We all feel so helpless. So we stay home and wear flimsy masks, and pretend that we have any control over it at all.

So, what do we have control over? We know that anything we focus on magnifies and grows in energy. Fear comes from love. Love for those around us and ourselves. If we could just change our focus to that original love. Every time we get fearful or angry, could we say a prayer instead? A prayer for the world. For those who have lost someone dear. For those that have recovered. For those who are scared. For those that are depressed. For those that lost their jobs. How can we send love out from us instead of anger? Can we sit quietly and breathe peace and calm into our spirits? Can we hold each person that we love in our minds and wrap them in love? Can we dwell on hope and courage? Can we speak of love and life and the power to overcome? Instead of fearing the unknown, let us bring faith back into our hearts and know that everything will be alright and that this too shall pass.

Let us remember that the politicians work for us. The news is designed to create panic and intense emotion. And LOVE conquers all fears.

Reach out to those that you love. Send a little text of encouragement or get on the phone. Forget facebook, reach out to people in person and really let them know that you love them, you are thinking of them, and that they are not alone.

I hope the positive results from this will be us walking softer on the earth and being more ecologically friendly. All of us in our gardens. I hope that this makes us more economically smart, and that we will all get an emergency fund put up. I hope that this makes us turn to herbs as medicine and learn the basics so we feel empowered, rather than fearful. I hope that we see the value in small businesses and support them first and foremost. I hope we stop buying cheap items from overseas and start building up the people and businesses in our country. I hope we learn the value of social interaction and that we will put our phones down and really be present with those near us once we are all able to be together.

We will learn lessons from this monumental world event and we will move forward a better and more compassionate people. A more self sufficient and less reliant on government people. We will be more loving and more peaceful and will really appreciate our freedom and our loved ones. Let us send out peace and love every thought we can; this will create peace and love in our own minds as well. And may this be over soon. Blessings to you all.

Posted in inspiration

The Natural Order of Things and Hope

In the wee hours of night, she fought on. She was very brave. All mothers are very brave, but she was weary to her very core. Little strength left in her tired eyes. She was then wheeled in for a Cesarean. I held her hand as the doctors violently freed the little boy from her womb. And in the early hours of a new day, a child’s cry filled the space between hope and fear.

In other rooms of the hospital, and in places all over the world, souls gave up their spot on this precious earth to give space for these new souls. It is their honor to do so. They do not complain, for we all honor our time here and we honor the next generations to take our place. And we send the world our blessings as we go back home.

We fight awfully hard not to die. We fear it. It is our natural instinct. But the natural order of things says that we will die. That we are here for an allotted time. I truly believe that we have an already determined amount of time here and nothing will stop death from coming once it is time. On the other hand, if it is not your time to die, nothing can take your breath from you. No one wants to die, and no one wants their friends and family to die either. Those things we cannot stop. One cannot determine the hours of another person’s life. We cannot trick death into not coming.

Fear makes humankind rather ugly. Fear is the very face of greed (fear of loss), hate (fear of the unknown), and anger (fear of powerlessness). The flip side of fear is love. The love in a mother’s eyes as she holds her new life to her breast.

People need each other. People need to be social. It is written in our genetics. Loneliness causes disease and depression. They need to feel love. Love is our medicine, you know. Not fear.

There is a ratio of consequence and natural order in everything that happens on the earth. There will always be population control through natural disasters and disease. We assist these things with our actions. We drill for oil and earthquakes follow in their wake. We pollute, cut down trees, and steal our own oxygen. We give up our own abilities to grow our own food and hand our very life to corporations to care for us, not seeing the folly in depending on foreign material items, lab food, and faulty pharmaceuticals. We assure ourselves that the lights will always be on if we pay our bills, water always there, grocery store shelves always stocked. The worst diseases in the last dozen years have come from places where animals are grown for meat. The swine flu, the bird flu, and Covid-19 would not have existed if the world had embraced love over animal flesh. (Just a note- autoimmune issues generally go away once someone goes vegan.)

In the end, we learn, like our grandparents did, to reuse foil. To bake our own bread. To plant seeds. To love our loved ones with all our hearts, as we never know their time of death. We prepare and have grocery stores in our root cellars (and maybe a stash of toilet paper for next time!) and we will all get through this. We will make better choices. Hopefully.

But do not fear for those who give up their places here. It is how it has always been and always will be. Trust and have faith. Do not let fear guide your heart. Appreciate your moments and breaths here. And next time you see a newborn baby, smile and welcome the little soul to our planet. Hope is in their message. We are all going to be alright.

Welcome Bode Jace Griffin, born 1:54 am on March 23, 2020. 7 lbs 14 oz, 20 inches long, adorable and a ray of hope. My friend/his mama, Savanna and her baby are doing wonderful.

Over 86,000 people have survived Coronavirus. Most of them had a mild cold. Over 80% of elders over 80 years old survived Coronavirus. 98% of people who get Coronavirus will be just fine. Focus on love of all creatures. It is our medicine.

Posted in Poetry

Doug + Katie

My love, my life, my Valentine

I can hardly believe that you are mine.

Twenty years ago when I first saw you

could we have imagined our life come true?

Your humor, your jokes, I think I’ve heard them all

your joyous personality

and smile

your gentleness

always makes me fall

In love again.

Posted in Homestead

Sweet Homestead Days

The wood stove comes alive, savage and hot. The whirl of orange and red feel so comforting, so primal, so homelike. The living room will be warm soon. I prepare my coffee and watch through the picture window as the sky slowly begins to lighten with dawn. A new day is upon us.

The kitten walked by me on a mission, head focused, tail out, looking to murder a hair tie or catnip mouse. As she passed, I made kissy sounds towards her, which made her tail flutter straight up as she gave me a cute sideways glance, all sass and adorableness. Life with cats is lovely.

One of my favorite sounds in all this beautiful world is the calling of geese. I hear them before I see them, then watch them, uniform and village-like floating overhead in a hurry to get to their vacation home. Then I hear them later in reverse passage, all chattering noisily. So much to say as their caravan marches back across the skies. They sound like home, like season’s changing, like joy.

The three day weekend of fair weather helped us get some projects finally finished on the homestead. Field fencing is complete, leading from what will be one of my huge gardens and the back porch to nearly a third of an acre section for my fluff of a Great Pyrenees and his future charges. The gate is open, freedom is granted to Gandalf, and he laid back down. “Maybe he thinks he will get in trouble!” our daughter, Shyanne, speculated. He is quite happy on the couch on the porch and has no desire to be gallivanting around open pastures. He is only two, not an old man in the least. We always get the odd ones around here.

She is blind and runs into doors and leans against my leg. She was supposedly one years old when she was brought to me, but I know very few animals with cataracts at the age of one. How old is this chicken? I wonder. It matters not, for she is the sweetest feathered girl. Our granddaughter, Maryjane, flits out to the coop. “Good morning!” she sings to the chickens, “Good morning, Heihei!” I pick our docile chicken up and hand her to my beautiful farmgirl. Heihei snuggles into her coat and is content. Each one of our chickens has a vastly different personality than the others. We have Yogi, who believes herself to be a rooster. We have Esther, the quintessential pretty snob. And Eloise, who is quite sassy, but not so much right now, as she is molting and looks like a decrepit turkey. Our one year old granddaughter sees a lovely blue egg in the coop, grabs it, and will not let it go.

The oil lamps are cleaned with fresh wicks and are ready to fill. A half finished baby blanket is attached to the yarn weasel waiting for another skein. A few loads of wood ought to be brought in today. Granola bars, vegan cream cheese, and burger buns will be made in the homestead kitchen today. I choose a pretty apron to wear.

I have my seeds picked out. All heirlooms. I will begin saving seeds again. Soon, soon, my hands will be in the warm soil. My beautiful space here will be positively transformed. I do love the reaction folks have, how shocked they are at how quickly a farm can replace barren soil. I will leave a third wild. While I wait for spring, I get all the reading done I wish. Plan my sewing projects and mending. Clean out cupboards and closets and get the nerve to tackle the garage. I walk around my land and smile. Home. Home is certainly where the heart and animals are.

Posted in Holidays

12 Days of Yule and Being the Light

Greetings Folks! I am reporting here from piles of wrapping paper and dirty dishes. My heart is happy, as all of my children and grandchildren slept over Christmas Eve and Santa arrived sometime in the night. The morning is sunny and crisp and fresh with new insights, hopes, and dreams. And gratitude. Always gratitude.

For here on Pumpkin Hollow Farm (where I recover from the flu and a sprained back) I watch the chickens drinking deeply of their water, the large fluffy giant at the back door wondering if I will finish my breakfast cereal, and the cats sprawled about while the kittens play. My abode. I wonder which animals will be sent to our care this coming year.

2020 sounds awfully futuristic, doesn’t it? A dear friend of mine that I used to visit at a nursing home was born in 1892. It is all really a blink of an eye. I intend to notice more. Use my senses more. Lead from the heart. Proceed with love. Oh, I have a plethora of things that are going on a list of resolutions and vision boards, I’ve got molding to do! But I also am looking forward to a new year with my dearest friends. My beloved family. My animals. This land. And myself. ‘Tis a blessing to be here indeed.

The Holly King

Yule is not over! Our ancient tradition included 12 days from the 20th through the 31st. It was not until 567 AD that the Christian church decided it would become a part of Christianity and changed it to overlap their perceived Epiphany. Yule is all about the end of darkness through the birth of the light, the son of (the) God. It is about the sun returning. It is about banishing evil spirits and good luck for the coming year. For twelve days, the people would gather and tell stories, visit others, and celebrate the sun’s precious rays growing stronger. Is there someone you can visit in your community? Can you take a basket of food and crossword puzzles to an elder? Can you put bird seed out for the feathered ones?

photo from RangerRick.org

As we think of ways to improve our own health and habits, let us also think of ways to be more of a light to those around us. Wishing you all health and happiness on this glorious morn, and I hope you had a lovely holiday with ones you hold dear.

Posted in inspiration

He Who Gets the Most Prayers Does Not Always Win (and how to actually pray)

We all seem to have gotten the misconception and the comforting idea that that he with the most prayers wins.

“I’ve got my whole church praying for him,” people would whisper as my brother-in-law fought his last year of cancer. Our whole church at the time was praying for him. I have been reliving this the past few days over Facebook while a friend’s great love battles in intensive care (and from a realistic acquaintance’s view, probably not going to make it). “My whole church is praying for him,” someone says. Others nod through their keyboards and agree. Everyone is praying. The more prayers he gets, the faster he heals? It doesn’t work that way, folks. People die. People get sicker. My brother-in-law died. This young man may as well. We aren’t praying for the outcome we want. There are reasons beyond our limited knowledge. It is not a popularity contest.

Now, I have, myself, experienced three mighty big miraculous healings. My husband as well. I know that miracles exist in the day to day and are not uncommon. But, what if the fellow in intensive care gets one thousand prayers and he dies today; did Creator ignore everyone’s prayers? We are praying for the wrong things.

Creator already knew the outcome of Ken’s illness. The spirit world knew when he would die. He was never going to get better, no matter how many people, across how many religious walls, were praying.

When you pray for someone, particularly this time of year, pray for comfort. For strength. For peace with the outcome. For guidance. Pray for love.

Then after you are done praying, BE THERE. If you are close to someone (or even if you are not), see what you can do. You can’t just say a quick prayer then be on your way. Creator can’t do it all alone, the spirit world works through you! Don’t ask, just do. A meal for the freezer. A letter. See if they need errands run. Animals need checked on. Offer a hug. Send love. Love is prayer. Put them in your mind and send them great love. Everything is energy, send love and they will feel it. Light a candle.

By continuing to believe that the most prayers wins, we leave out those that don’t have large families or large churches, or maybe anyone. Do they lose out? This is not a competition, folks, pray for everyone, pray daily (doesn’t matter who you pray to…it all goes to the same place, Creator is everywhere), and pray for love. The universe has the rest taken care of. Instead of getting your whole church to pray for something, listen. You will hear in your heart when someone needs an uplifting word, when you can do something, when you can be the prayer. And if you cannot, pray for peace.

Posted in Holidays

Your Only Job During the Holidays

The number one reason that folks feel depressed during the holidays is because they do not feel welcome, a part of a village, or loved as they are. There are habits that have been acceptable for a long time that we as parents and friends must change. If this is the season for kindness, than we must go beyond random acts of kindness to strangers and really be kind and absolutely loving to those around us.

From top left: my husband, Doug, my oldest granddaughter’s dad (and Emily’s ex), Bret, my son-in-law, Reed (Emily’s husband), my son, Andy, his girlfriend, Bree, my granddaugher, Maryjane, my daughter, Emily with Ayla, Bret’s brother, Bailey, me, Shyanne’s boyfriend, Jake, and in front is Shyanne. They are all apart of my family.

Now, this is important- Number One- no nagging. For god’s sake, we don’t really think that nagging will endear our children to us, do we? Your grown children make decisions every day- hard ones- and are becoming the people they are meant to be (whether they are eighteen or fifty-five!) and they need support, not “advice.” Once they head out that front door as a young person setting out into the world, their business is no longer yours. They are more likely to come to you for advice and friendship if you are not already badgering them. The way they raise their children is not your business either. They can homeschool, travel the world, be strict, have no rules, or send them to private school. Our only job is to show by example unconditional love. Unconditional love. That is what this world needs more of, especially around the holiday table.

Perhaps your daughter brings home a young man with a mohawk or her new girlfriend. Or your son brings home a woman your age, or someone of a different religion. Maybe your child quit college to your dismay and your daughter moved in with her best friend who has less-than-admirable habits. (None of that is your business.) Our job now is to be undeniably loving, welcoming, supporting, hugging, happy and accepting examples of love. That is what people need. Unconditional love.

I adore all of my kids’ friends. Many of them call me mama. Everyone knows that we can squeeze in more chairs. I will have plenty of food. Everyone is welcome at my table- mohawk or not. They also know they can call me to talk or if they need advice.

My mother used to say (following the advice of many parenting gurus) that she is not our friend, she is our mother. That is too bad, because she is still not my friend, sadly. Be friends with your kids, their friends, the neighbors down the street, the woman who just lost her husband, the coworker without family here, the people that Creator sends into your life. They are not being sent to you to be saved, they are being sent to you to be loved.

stock photo

Let’s make this holiday season a bright one for others by accepting them as they are, opening your home and table to them, offering respite from expectations, and offering unconditional love. See how that doesn’t just change your world and the world around you.

Posted in Animals/Chickens

The Wintry Farm and Kittens

I opened the front door to great heaps of snow. For southern Colorado, this is quite a storm. It is still blustery and the snow is falling thickly with glints of sunlight shining through. It is a chattering 1 degree with the wind. Our farm dog, Gandalf, is sleeping indoors this morning despite his woolly exterior.

The chickens are snug in their coop with the help of a heat lamp. I will need to put on my galoshes and check on their water. One more cup of coffee!

The wood stove has been puttering along beautifully over the past frigid few days and I am afraid that the wood is about run out and another two cords will not be arriving for another few weeks. We do have a furnace, but there is nothing quite like the warmth from a wood stove to really warm the bones.

We have two new additions to the farm that have warmed our hearts. Their names are Taos and Socorro, after two of our favorite places to holiday in New Mexico.

Fourteen, or so odd, years ago, we adopted several kittens over a two year period full knowing that one day we would lose several cats within a few years. We lost four of them this year, my sweet Frankie just a week ago. We have one old kitty left, our beloved Booboo, whom the children taught to come to Andrew’s room if he blasted Bob Marley. We have two five-year old kitties as well. Well, it’s a bit quiet around here when you are used to many more. The silence of winter approaches and we felt we needed a little life and a little fun around here. So off to the shelter we went on the first blustery day and adopted two adorable little girls.

Our farm is humming along with dreams of spring and planting and future farm animals, as the fire in the wood stove warms the brightens house, the snow-light bouncing through the windows and adding a chill to the senses. ‘Twill be a cold night for tricks and treats tomorrow indeed, but in our little farmhouse we are warm, our hearts filled with joy.

Posted in Herbal Remedies

The Innate Healer (and what to do when you cannot help)

I shivered in the cold, forced air of the dim hospital room and pulled my shawl tighter around my shoulders.  I listened to the ominous drone of the heart monitor.  He finally fell asleep.  I watched my child, now a man, lay there in the hospital bed with the flimsy covers upon his slight frame, barely covering his tattooed arms.  His dark hair pressed to the side of his face.  His brow still furrowed from pain.  My baby.  I pulled the covers up around him a bit more and held my breath so not to let the pressing tears release.  Breathe.

38682912_2310870348928415_7550584954845921280_o

I am considered an expert in my field.  I can tell you about hundreds of local plants, their medicinal properties, growing conditions, contraindications, their uses, how to prepare them, and how to heal nearly every ailment there is.  I am an herbalist, a medicine woman, a plant girl, a lover of nature, a great believer in the original medicine, and a skeptic of modern medicine.  And yet, all the herbal knowledge in the world could not help me as I stood on that cold tile floor.

“Help me, Mom!” he screamed over the phone before I got there.  He went in to the emergency room for a fever and back pain and the hospital gave him a spinal tap.  They missed.  Three times.  Spinal fluid pooled into his lower back and created more pain than my child could handle without madness.  But he was in the hospital now, so it was too late, I could not help.  Except to pull the blankets over his arms to cover the goosebumps.  To kiss his head.

20190114_125833

A few weeks later- last weekend- I stood by the bedside of my grandmother, whose tall, thin frame was dwarfed by the hospital bed and flimsy covers.  The drone of the heart monitor and the bustling of nurses outside the door filled the large, cool space.  My beloved grandma had fallen and just had a partial hip replacement.  Again, I could do nothing but watch her sleep.  My children came.  They gathered in the room and talked wildly, trying to catch up on events since the last time they had seen each other.  My new granddaughter was passed around.  Smiles and laughter filled the space as grandma would slowly open her eyes and look around and grin.  So much life that came from her.

IMG_20190125_142150_436

I am a healer.  We are all healers, especially women.  Any of us would take care of an injured frog, or a stranger, or try to bring life back into someone with warm soup or a hug.  Anxiety fills our chest as we feel the pain of others, see their worries, the punched feeling in the stomach when we know we can do nothing.  That is why so many of us become healers.  We have to do something. 

I have learned that the only thing I can do in cases when no one asks for my help, or I simply cannot help, is to release the outcome.  They might die.  They might not be able to change their life.  They may still have lessons to learn.  They are choosing other options.  They are their own decision makers.  They might be paralyzed.  They might…oh the possibilities of tragedy are endless.  And there we are… trying to save the world.  Sometimes we just cannot help.  Once you can release the outcome, you can then breathe and be there to give love and support or to pull the covers up over chilled arms.  We must release what we cannot control or it will control us.  Give it back to the powers that be.  We can only help ourselves and do what we can for others.

me and dad 2

My husband looked so pale.  A colorless sheen crossed his face as he came out of surgery a few days ago.  (It’s been quite a month, y’all.)  I had released all outcomes.  Whatever happened, happened.  But here he was, smiling dopily from the morphine drip, and a long overdue hernia surgery complete.  At home, I help him in any way I can.  He asks me for help.  I can help him.  I give him my own antibiotics and pain medicines along with his prescribed pain pills.  I make him teas for his digestion and tend to his wounds and bruises.  I am so much better when I feel like I can do something.

Sometimes we can help, sometimes we cannot.  My neighbor called me after badly spraining her ankle yesterday.  I took over some muscle healer and she was at the dog park by the afternoon.

IMG_20190120_165356_152

I feel like it is a very good idea to have some basic knowledge of herbal medicine.  Everyone should know what herbs heal wounds, fight infections, handle pain, and heal.  I currently have two books on this subject on Amazon.  The Herbalist Will See You Now; Your Complete Training Guide to Becoming and Working as an Herbalist and The Homesteader’s Pharmacy; the Complete Guide to Creating Your Own Herbal Pharmacy.

They may just give you one more outlet in which you can help yourself and others.