Posted in Homestead

Searching for Home

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It is just an ordinary old building from the outside.  It was a feed store and a liquor store among other things.  Its basement is flooded and water rushes around the old, old boiler standing proudly, its ankles wading in the rainwater misplaced.  The large main floor is open with high ceilings, windows, wood floors, and my eyes gaze around in wonder as if I were designing a loft for a popular television show.  The upstairs is a rounded loft that would make a lovely bedroom.  The back room is really the gem.  A rustic blank slate of old brick and cement, a kitchen it must be.  I dream as the owner shows me around.  Lord, I could decorate anything.  Unfortunately we have to rent a year before we can buy and she could not afford to allow us that being too far behind.  The bank will likely have this unspoken masterpiece, unappreciated in its barrenness but too expensive in its needs.  I wished her luck.  I could have had supper clubs there and art openings and karaoke nights!  But alas, it is not for us though if could buy we could get it for a song.  I could even turn the outside strip into a garden oasis with chickens.

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So, Doug and I decided to head out to the building that holds the company that he is interviewing with tomorrow.  We are confident and hopeful.  We backtracked from the building to various neighborhoods, many with pristine grass and home owner’s associations written all over them as well as mighty confident price tags.  Because his work, should he get the job, is on the far north side of Colorado Springs we would be a mere ten minutes from the first bit of country.  A life Doug would like to hold onto.  Truth be told, so do I.  We still want the large gardens and chickens.  The views, the stars, the quiet, that life.

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We drove past the trees that were scarred by the fire I wrote about a few years ago.  The area is regrowing and beautiful.  To live in the trees would be magical even though the fire risk is always a possibility.  A few minutes further we get into the prairielands we know and adore.

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Oh where will our new home be?  And can it be somewhere we can stay?  To put down roots and apple trees without fear of being forced to move?  Can we find someone to help us get the house then buy it from them?  Or a place that we can rent then purchase later?  A place that we can call our own?  Dreaming of home is a bittersweet ordeal when you know not where home is.

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Home is by a hearth and fire, surrounded by our cats, and visited by our beloved ones.  It is where we find each other at the end of the day and at early dawn.  Where the rooster will crow and the pumpkins will grow.  We are searching.

Posted in Our Family

Option 6 (the good and the bad)

Watching owls take flight.

We just had dinner with two of our dear friends.  I met one at the coffee shop in Elizabeth some years ago and she and I connected immediately.  The other one of them is a shaman, a well respected man in the Native community, and a man I greatly respect.  He leads a Talking Circle.  We had them in our home for Thanksgiving.  We enjoy each other’s company.  We help people in different ways.  I am speaking to the kids at his summer program about herbs, the physical and emotional uses.  I have been working with herbs much more lately for myself for spiritual uses.  I am working on a devotional that focuses on words to meditate on and the spiritual blend of herbs to drink as tea and what they do.  My whole identity as an herbalist has been changing.  I have been growing stronger.  And life around me is changing.  It has been changing.  I saw the signs.

I lamented that we are moving back to the city.  “Maybe the Creator wants you closer to the community to help.”  There are many, many more people that I could help that cannot get to the middle of nowhere south of Calhan.

We still need to sell most everything we own.  And we are still going out on the road, albeit a shorter trip.  We have no one that can watch all of our cats while we are gone.  And the girls cannot afford an apartment on their own right now.  I am Maryjane’s babysitter.  We are still needed here.  So we will travel a bit in the next few months then move back to the city where Doug will get a computer job.  The dreaded option #4.  I will still work with herbs and teach and write and see where this journey is taking us.

A lot of people I know, actually, are going through tremendous changes right now.  As if the universe fell sideways and back up for a second!  So, this could change tomorrow.  San Diego or Illinois to New York?  For how long?  To visit whom?  To write.  To rest.  We won’t have goats to milk, chickens to feed, a dog to let out, or for the first time in a long time, no garden to tend.  Then we start over.  Is there anything even out there for rent?

What will this blog become if I am not a farmgirl?  Only time will tell, and in the meantime, I am still writing.  Thanks for following.