To Thine Own Self Be True (a recognition of oneself when starting over)

SAM_0402

I am Yeopim Indian and Cherokee proud, and Scottish and English and Irish loud, along with Dutch and Black French and possibly more.  And from them all my genetic disposition lays.  In my hair, in my eyes, in my innate knowledge and intuition, in my sense of adventure and in my search for home do I find glimpses of all those that came before.  All my ancestors, all in me.  But I alone have my spirit.  My true self.  That has been here before.

And in mindful analysis and decompression of the physical frame as each day becomes a bit more mundane the layers of thought and peers wash aside as the essence of being comes forth in glints of light.

“Why do you fear being wealthy?”  “Why do you believe you do not deserve riches?” I am asked.

Struck, I wonder, is this true?  Should I be rich in homes with heightened ceilings and possessions galore?  Is that what my life’s work is for?  I would like to have enough-though that maybe less than many, more than some.  Seeds to grow into food for mind and strength and chickens here and there.  A rambling adobe with rooms for art and friends, for laughter, for cooking, for light, and memory.

Enough to visit new places at whim, for inspiration and to meet people and culture new.  But to watch a sunset from my own porch swing would be as sweet a riches as I could dream.

Sommelier?  I cannot drink more than one glass of wine!  Food industry?  I can’t stay up past nine!  A city plot, cement gardens, and lack of birds, no deer around, no late owl heard?

Impossible.

Homesteader, homemaker, home dreamer am I.  Making a home under the Great Mystery’s sky.

My job is to raise grandchildren when so blessed to have them near.  To teach them herbs, and trees, and birds, and through the wind the Creator heard.  To show them things that schools do not know.

To help those that seek my help, in physical or spiritual need should they ask, to find the right herbs and prayers and songs.

Silence and nature are my friends as the early dawn and the night sky guide my days all year long.

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Vernona says:

    You are so brave, and live with such grace!!
    I think that those of us who reject/don’t want force fed mainstream materialism sometimes accidentally begin rejecting healthy abundance, which is a crippling action. Living an abundant life, which may happen to contain high ceilings, if that is your desire, is not the same as buying into high ceilings for the sake of fulfilling mainstream materialistic requirements. You..we..deserve abundance..& require it in order to fulfill our dreams & life purpose. Healthy wanting is an important skill you are now adding to your already overflowing bag of skills/knowledge. ☺ I needed to remember this today..I am taking a cue from you. Thanks for sharing your journey!

    1. Farmgirl says:

      Beautifully said.

  2. Amanda says:

    I have been quietly following your blog for about a year now. First and foremost I have been hoping for you and Doug to find what you seek in regards to your home situation. I was so excited for you when the farm came up. I was so disappointed along with you when it didn’t work out. We (my husband and I) have been trying to accomplish an Urban homestead for about 3 years now. I have been trying to find time to blog about our journey. I don’t post near as often as I write the blogs! This spring for us, we had some very serious unfortunate situations happen (not quite like yours), but still enough that hindered us. At one point I was ready to give up on the entire idea. Along with the mix we have 2 very busy teenagers, and because of how active they are, sometimes I wonder if we bit off more than we chew. But we will make it work, eventually. I long to be able to eventually take your herb classes (right now time and money are a factor, more time than anything). So for now I linger and enjoy your blog. It gives me inspiration that we are headed down the right path! Thanks for blogging your journey!

    1. Farmgirl says:

      Amanda, thank you for commenting! We are all a community and I love that we can support each other. I would love to hear about your journey more. We will all find our perfect balance but it’s the right now that I guess we should all be focusing on! Thank you.

    2. Farmgirl says:

      And by the way, after the 31st I will no longer be offering traditional classes so one day perhaps you can intern at my farm wherever I find it!

      1. Amanda says:

        Absolutely! I would love to do that. And you are always welcome to come and wonder our little homestead too :). We are getting there with it. It definitely helps being a community. My family thinks we are crazy for going to route, but we enjoy it! And I totally agree on the balance……and that is what I have spent my summer attempting to work on. 🙂

  3. debweeks says:

    Don’t measure your wealth by how many things you have. Measure your wealth by how many things you have that you wouldn’t take money for. -Myrlie Evers

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