I sat outside in the sun trying to shake the winter chill from my bones. The meadowlarks sang gloriously as the frogs droned on. The red winged black birds flitted and barked and the robins demurely looked for worms. Green sparks cover the land and spring has come. I started over two hundred pots of seeds, large and small, over the last two days. I felt an urgency this year. In past years I may have missed the window of opportunity and had a late start on vegetables and harvest but this year, as a full time farmer, I knew I needed to get these things done. It is almost time to plant cold crops here and the gardens are not ready. This will be a busy spring. Busier than usual.
The remaining phone calls trickled in and were diverted to the new owner of my apothecary. Facebook messages came rolling in and the business stayed exactly the same without me. For a moment, I thought, “Wait! I messed up! I didn’t mean to sell it!” But of course I had, it was time. I have long known that a change was coming, a breath of something different, and I am embracing it. Then I thought, “What if I don’t even know how to farm?! What if I can’t grow anything?” I had to shhsh myself. As I watered the new seedlings and lined them up in the cold frame, I knew I had started my new life.
The most difficult part about change is that we are such creatures of habit. I am an herbalist. I have an apothecary. I make medicines. Well now I am just an herbalist that makes medicines and teaches. I am a full time farmer now. It was odd seeing the apothecary go on as if I had never been there but that is how life is, ever revolving, ever moving. As I am.
When you first make that change, out of a relationship, into homeschooling, out of a job, into a move, the initial response is always, “Wait! I didn’t mean to do that!” It is normal and one must just take a breath in and have faith.
The first time you use your new moniker, you will feel like a sham. The first time I told someone I was a model, a dance teacher, an herbalist, now a farmer, I felt like I was exaggerating, but soon it becomes second nature and it does indeed become your title.
I encourage folks to be brave, have faith, and live life as full as possible, to chase those dreams and not settle into a life of stress and hardship. It is amazing to see the results. Life is so full of promises and opportunities. If you have a passion for something in your heart, is a sure-fire sign that you are to pursue it. Have fun! And only feel like an imposter for a moment, life is whatever you make it.